I know, it’s been a long month. You’ve been checking off the days on your calendar, anxiously awaiting the release of issue 3. You slumber fitfully, visions of vampire sugar plum fairies dancing in your head. Upon awaking, you run into the living room. Your heart plunges as you see the cookies and milk you left out for Caesar Claus are untouched.
With every moping step you take, the spirit of Christmas dies a little bit more. By and by, you notice a wetness soaking into the fabric of your footie pajamas. You look down to discover Caesar Claus has left you a gift: your parents desanguinated corpses under the Tree.
Before you can scream, you spy something hanging over the fireplace–an issue of Ides of Blood #3 curled up in your stocking. Your eyes fill with the spirit of Christmas and you reach for the comic, anxious to learn what has become of Valens since being captured by Antony at the end of the last issue.
Alas, you will never learn, for your parents have become vampires and they kill you and drink your blood.
The moral of the story: don’t wait two months to buy Ides of Blood #3 or your parents will become vampires and murder you. Buy it TODAY!