The Blog December 9, 2011

13 Reasons We Should Restore Funds to NASA

I am not an expert on physics, economics, politics or any field of study considered even remotely useful to life as we know it.  Therefore, I am eminently qualified to voice my opinion that the United States government should restore funding to NASA.  Here are thirteen reasons why:

1. Education — America’s children are stupid.  Everyone else is better than us at everything, especially science.  If we want to fix this, we need to reprioritize and foster an educational environment that encourages future generations to enter the fields of engineering and science that will allow our country to maintain relevance through invention.

2.  Health — One thing leads to another.  The research involved in creating technology that will help us reach the stars may lead to discoveries to improve public health and eradicate disease.  And by technology, I mean nanotechnology.  Take that, cancer!  Robo-zapped!

3.  Plan B (Part I) — It’s always good to have a backup plan.  Some day, life on Earth will end.  Sure, people have been expecting the world to end since it first began, but just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t ever.  Granted, the United States will probably have long ceased to exist as a geopolitical entity, its memory recalled only in the campfire tales told in the hushed tones among the few literate survivors that have not yet fallen prey to the radioactive cannibalistic cowmen that will evolve sometime in the 33rd century.  But still.

4.  Moon Outpost — Because it’s a freaking moon base.

5.  Listen to Michael Bay (Plan B: Part II) — That meteor killed the dinosaurs.  And that other meteor recently almost hit us.  It passed between the Earth and the moon.  Do you have any idea how close that is?!!!  We need to get some antigravity lasers up there, STAT.

6.  Colony on Mars — See Reason #4 but replace the word “moon” with “Mars.”

7.  Population — The stupid people are having more kids than you.   While some scientists say overpopulation is not as big a problem as we once thought it was, recent traffic trends suggest otherwise.  Also old people are living longer.  Also China.  On that note…

8.  China — They already own the country.  Do you want them to own Mars, too?  Well, do you?!

9.  Energy and the Environment — You want to talk about moving past fossil fuels and onto hydrogen power?  Most of the matter in the universe is hydrogen.  The sun is a giant hydrogen battery.  The solution to our environmental crisis lies not on earth, but in the stars.  Plus we need to be taking fusion power more seriously.  Seriously.

10.  The Economy — More space travel means more jobs.  It’s going to take a lot of contractors to build our Intergalactic Earth Armada of Doom to say nothing of the bureaucrats and military personnel required for our malevolent takeover of other galaxies.

11.  Hyperspace Travel — Though unconfirmed by other laboratories, CERN recently broke the speed of light, but we have a long way to go before we get warp drive.

12.  The Future Survival of Humanity — The exploration of the universe is the best hope we have of uniting mankind and redefining ourselves not as citizens of a particular country, but of the same planet.  I do not subscribe to the Roddenberry’s vision of the future.  We will always be cruel, petty and violent, but why kill each other on a planet with only one sun, when you could do it on a planet with three suns?  And like, maybe a green sky.

13.  Maybe There’s Aliens — I’m just saying.

Here is a link to a petition you can sign if you agree with what you have surely found to be rock-solid and convincing arguments:!/petition/reallocate-defense-funds-nasa/HrxpT8pf?